There are moments when I wonder what this is all about. By this, I mean life. I woke up this morning and brought with me into waking consciousness something of my dreamworld. A feeling that I am only dreaming. That this is simply not real. Its a feeling I often get and have had since being a kid. Its this feeling that created and supported my interest in the occult and magic. I’m sorry but I can’t imagine dying and that’s the end of it. What would be the point of that? Why would all of this exist just for us to die? Yes, you could argue that I have a touch too much ego to think myself or ourselves worthy of anything but a blink of reality but I am convinced that there is something else and the fact that I felt this from being 4 or 5 years old (and maybe before), simply strengthens that view.
It drives me insane, if I let it, to think that I will never understand what this is. How reality is all put together and why. I think everybody has moments where they ask “who am I?” and “Why am I here?” in the broadest context but my question is broader – “How does this all work?” and “what’s its purpose”. The answer, if there is one, I am convinced lies inside of us because fundamentally, the entire Universe is inside of us not outside of us. And, if this is true, then it makes that first question all the more important. If I die, and that’s it – end of story – then surely, all of this dies with me?
Oh well…. to meditation I go.