I am reaching my mid-fifties mark and I often now hear my mother’s voice from 20-30 years ago telling me she sometimes felt like she was 20 but more often like she was 70. When she arrives here in June for a break I need to her ask her how it feels to be 78!
While I know that I am certainly wiser and more experienced, a little more patient and have a better idea of what is really important and what is not, I am more short-tempered than I used to be. I really don’t know why. I just am. Gabriela surprised me not so long ago as I remarked about someone’s behaviour around me and she told me I intimidate people because I look pissed off! I hadn’t realised this but once told, I’m sure its true.
I do sometimes feel like I am 70 and perhaps its is this that makes me a bit grumpy? I tire more easily mentally than I once did especially when it is noisy in the background and noise irritates me a lot (if it isn’t me that is making it).
I also notice that I am much more opinionated. I don’t really mean by this inflexible or not open to reasoned argument and discussion but more that I have heard the arguments on certain topics so many times over my life that I hardly can bear to hear discussion on these topics anymore. I made my mind up years ago and its unlikely my mind will be changed on issues such as abortion, gay and lesbians, personal liberty, freedom of speech, the monarchy, etc. Oh – and that includes global warming – now called climate change or climate disruption….
On some of these issues I find myself needing to get involved because the current prevailing political landscape or what is on TV and in the papers irritates me no end. Have people lost the ability to think? I ask as I feel the irritation rising in my stomach and throat.
I am a grumpy old sod. There can be no doubt of that. I do have an issue with irritation (it’s not truly anger where I see red and want to hit something) or frustration or something. Grumpy is the right word for it. This doesn’t stop me from being a kind, loving thoughtful person but it can make me seem a bit cranky and fearsome apparently….
It’s OK though really – I don’t bite! Really, I don’t.