I have written a few poems recently dealing with the dilemma of finding the woman of my dreams. I’m gonna lay it out here tonight cos I must admit, I begin to wonder if such a thing actually exists at all.
You read about soul mates and true love. I used to believe it too. I did. But as I get older and as each relationship that started with so much hope fades to nothing, I wonder if I am chasing ghosts? You see, growing up I used to dream about this girl – powerful and vivid recurring dreams. I fell in love with this dream woman I think. She was dark haired, dusky and beautiful – exotic in a slavic sort of way. She was my best friend and I knew her soul. I was too young for it to be overtly sexual.
I was talking to a very good female friend the other day – Sue – and I heard myself say – maybe I have compared all women with my dream girl? And I as I get older, I begin to despair. Who was she? Where is she? Why has none of my relationships ever matched up?
I have a theory actually. It is this. The girl of my dreams is actually my own soul – my anima – my opposite. It makes sense. But while others find a representation of their anima or animus, I seemingly have not. I wonder why? Am I looking too hard?
It sounds like I’m whinging. I’m really not. But as I grow older, I do find myself musing more and more about the dream girl of my youth and why I never found her in life? Will I still?
I think I see glimpses of this dream girl in women that I fall for. I see them in the guise of my soul mate only to find out as time goes by that they are nothing of the sort. And as I ask in my last poem – maybe the woman I seek is my soul not my soul mate. And if so – what does that mean?
I’d love some feedback on this – anyone have a similar feeling? Are there women out there that can cast a light on this? Do other men have a similar issue? Is there a solution? Is it too late? Will I go on writing poems about the search? And how is some people seem to find that one special true love that lasts a lifetime and beyond?