Those who know me know I collect scary stories for fun. But just recently, it has come to my attention that, if you believe everything written in magazines and papers, there is a monster beyond all others. A scary beastie that has super powers to get you – so beware!

It first came to my attention a couple of weeks back when I had (and still have) neck pain. I googled the symptoms looking for some remedy I had overlooked. Could be COVID google told me. Really? I thought. COVID? So I randomly googled foot ache and COVID – yep. Foot ache is a symptom too. Over the course of the next 30 minutes, I discovered that any symptom you may experience could be COVID. It’s apparently something of a super bug.

Then, I began to read articles that tell me it can live for 9 hours on your hands. It’s in the air! It’s become even more powerful at infecting us. It can cause all kinds of horrendous long-term issues – even if you never had it! That neck ache? Yes well there has been a 40% increase in neck aches since COVID started and the two are related somehow…. they are pretty sure.

Can’t sleep nights – COVID!

Foggy brain – COVID!

Seeing ghosts? – COVID?

Yes folks, this super bug can be caught walking alone in the middle of a forest and exhibit such symptoms as wakefulness, having to pee and dreaming about sex. Miraculously, it is morphing and changing and taking over the planet as we speak.

The more I googled and read, the more I became convinced that people are plain stupid.

The last article I read tells me that COVID is so clever, it infects almost 80% of us WITHOUT symptoms so that it can have us infect everyone around us with a much stronger, meaner version.

You can test positive with this virus also simply by having a flu vaccination, a common cold, switching your sample for one taken from a banana, or simply not testing at all but registering for a test and not showing up. Once you have had it though, the advice is not to test again as apparently you will test positive forever and need to quarantine for eternity.

One more thing to note about this super monster is that it doesn’t affect politicians. Nope, they are able to go to restaurants at midnight for meetings, arriving and leaving without a facemask and never catch it!

My solution to the epidemic? Let’s all become politicians.

Yes, this COVID seems to be the perfect monster lurking in the closet….