Lockdown Sleep

Meditation is a funny thing. I never quite know what might happen. Today, the answer was nothing. No matter how I try I cannot even seem to get into the right mood. Music, lights, incense. And my mind wanders flitting from thought to thought like each were a hot surface. Or, I awaken with a jump. Neither is what I am aiming for. It’s on days like this I think well, I tried. Then there are those other days when pow! I’m instantly somewhere else journeying through an alternate universe. Both of these experiences are pretty rare I will say as my usual experience is somewhere in between.

But today I remain frustrated. It’s like not being able to sleep. And yet, the attempts relax me especially with the Slavic music in the back ground. I am again reaching out to the energies that are Morana the goddess of winter and of death. But nothing.

Meditation is sort of like sleep. Body asleep, mind awake. Sleep is rather like a temporary death. An in drawing of life. The music is conjuring up a series of rapidly shifting images but they are incoherent and darkened. The mind drifts and I’m thinking of lockdown and the fact that its 4pm and dark already. Then I realize this is a kind of mini death. This lockdown.

I cannot see friends or family. I cannot travel except alone by foot. I feel that each day contains darkness and silence. I’m withdrawn from life as normal. I see it quite clearly suddenly. The in drawing of life – into the underworld, into the unconsciousness is mirrored in the lockdown. It’s like hibernation. A sort of sleep or mini death to the way it was.

And so I realise that Morana was with me.

Even though at first, I did not perceive her.

But she was there all that time. Smiling at my slowness of mind. Sending me pictures and impressions of another kind of sleep…….

4 thoughts on “Lockdown Sleep

  1. It is the season for hibernation. I can slip into it so easily, and then the sun shines and I feel like summer. Though some say winter is death, I think of it as rejuvenation before spring birth. Sort of like the cocoon, and inside we are changing and morphing into something splendid to be revealed in the spring.

    I planted an onion bulb today I found amongst the sunchoke tubers. It was small, the size of a marble. It sits in the kitchen window, looking out at the cold day and snow, and I wait for it to reveal life continues.

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  2. Nice – I hope it grows well. I get a sense that the ancient Slavs feared the coming of winter in that it brought hardship and possibly death yet it was also a time when the other side and the ancestors were closer…….

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  3. HA! I used to do Tibetan meditation with a group of people & after chanting, we would settle in for about a half an hour of silent meditation. It depended on who was leading that day. Some leaders went for a nice short meditation & some leaders … like my ex … would make us all sit there for close to an hour. I now realize that he was sleeping with his eyes open … making us all sit silently through his evening nap.

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