Meditation is a funny thing. I never quite know what might happen. Today, the answer was nothing. No matter how I try I cannot even seem to get into the right mood. Music, lights, incense. And my mind wanders flitting from thought to thought like each were a hot surface. Or, I awaken with a jump. Neither is what I am aiming for. It’s on days like this I think well, I tried. Then there are those other days when pow! I’m instantly somewhere else journeying through an alternate universe. Both of these experiences are pretty rare I will say as my usual experience is somewhere in between.

But today I remain frustrated. It’s like not being able to sleep. And yet, the attempts relax me especially with the Slavic music in the back ground. I am again reaching out to the energies that are Morana the goddess of winter and of death. But nothing.

Meditation is sort of like sleep. Body asleep, mind awake. Sleep is rather like a temporary death. An in drawing of life. The music is conjuring up a series of rapidly shifting images but they are incoherent and darkened. The mind drifts and I’m thinking of lockdown and the fact that its 4pm and dark already. Then I realize this is a kind of mini death. This lockdown.

I cannot see friends or family. I cannot travel except alone by foot. I feel that each day contains darkness and silence. I’m withdrawn from life as normal. I see it quite clearly suddenly. The in drawing of life – into the underworld, into the unconsciousness is mirrored in the lockdown. It’s like hibernation. A sort of sleep or mini death to the way it was.

And so I realise that Morana was with me.

Even though at first, I did not perceive her.

But she was there all that time. Smiling at my slowness of mind. Sending me pictures and impressions of another kind of sleep…….