Those Questions

Periodically, I ask myself those questions. You know. “Why am I here? What am I?”

With recent events, I found myself questioning again. There was a time when I was younger I would have been adamant that I am an eternal being. These days, I’m unsure what eternal signifies as it demands I have an answer for the question – what is time? And I don’t. Although I have directly experienced things that suggest we do survive after death, as I get older, I actually find it more acceptable that perhaps we don’t. Which is a tad weird but, where was I during the 8 hour bowel surgery I had a few years ago? It was as if I did not exist during that time.

It’s hard to conclude that perhaps we are really nothing. Just actors strutting our time on stage to be blown out like a candle at some point in time. But thinking about what we are is even more mind boggling – like thinking about infinity. There are lots of theories these days but no real answers because no one has ever come back and told us what happens. Or, perhaps they have?

Someone I have known form many years is Anthony Peake and he has developed a lot of theories about this very topic based on a synthesis of science, medicine, psychology and more. His theory is something like that just before we actually die, time stops. We then relive our life over and over again. His theory can neatly explain deja vu, and many other phenomena. He sees us as having two components – one an eternal aspect and the other a temporal aspect that is actually living the life. He likens this to a video game in which you play a character in the game. Each time you die, your character respawns and starts again under the control of the player of the game. It’s quite a neat theory. But whether it is correct? Who knows?

After decades of esoteric work, I’m not even convinced that this isn’t a dream and my dreams reality. My dreams are complex, filled with details and I have even awakened from a dream to find I am in another…. so how do i know that the next wake up isn’t simply to another dream?

I have also pondered if we live a life at all? Perhaps now is all there really is and our past is simply a false memory placed there to give us context? And if so, are we just characters in a game – in a computer program something is running somewhere for fun? Am I in the end just a plaything? or just a simulation? A what-if experiment?

The more I think on this stuff, the more I end up down a rabbit hole. So in the end, what is, is. I had better own it and get on with it to the best of my ability. This means accepting responsibility.

In the last decade or so, we have all observed the growing idea that people are not responsible for themselves. Someone else is always to blame. These days, white males mostly it seems. I think this idea that we are victims and need to be protected is the very antithesis of our role in life, which is to engage, to live, to love and to direct our own lives as best we can. I think the victim mentality will result in the end of humanity if it is pursued to its logical conclusion. We have evolved by living – a constant brawl with events and situations that hone us, firm us and make us into well-rounded people.

If there is any point in living, it surely is to mature and evolve? The only way to do that is to engage in life and take responsibility for it…..

4 thoughts on “Those Questions

  1. Two good questions, ones I’ve considered a few times. My answers are (not concrete but always evolving):I am a ball of energy from the quantum field, and I am here to experience what ever is here.

    You’re not the first person who has told me there was nothing when under sedation for an operation. Everyone I’ve talked to about what happens when they are ‘under’ says the same: nothing.

    Many years ago, when my older sister and I were having a talk about life, she said there is nothing after death. Nothing at all. Life just ends. I asked her why she thought that because I believed death was only a transition, not an end.

    She said because when she was out during surgery, there was nothing.

    I thought about this, and after a moment, I asked, “How did you know there was nothing?”

    “Because when I woke up, I remembered nothing.”

    I thought on this some more and said, “And that’s how death is. You’ll ‘wake up’ and know there was a nothing phase.”

    Many years after this conversation, I went ‘under’ for surgery and beforehand, I wondered if I would also know nothing. To my surprise, not only did I not enter the nothing, I had an extremely vivid dream in a place I had visited many times since my childhood. I knew the place well, and we were just setting off to rescue one of our members when the nurse forced me awake with some sort of drug. Apparently, I wasn’t waking.

    Ripped from the dream, fear gripped me. I was supposed to be on that rescue mission, and the repercussions of that shook me. I cried for what I had lost. The worried nurse asked me what was wrong. All I said was that I was having a dream. “A bad dream?” she asked. “No.”

    The horrible feeling of that incident still lingers. I knew those people in the dream; I believe it’s where I’ll go when this life form ends. While I’ve visited that land many times in dream since the operation, I’ve never returned to that day in the forest when we were setting out to rescue a dear friend.


  2. Your last two paragraphs really resonated with me! Why do people always look for ways to be offended? Removing Dr., Seuss books, making Mr. Potato Head a gender-neutral toy, finding something someone said 5, 10, 20 years ago and being offended by it – this is just plain idiotic.
    Not only has responsibility gone by the wayside but also common sense and civility.


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