When I look back at my life, it seems to logically break up into sizable chunks of time. There was the period of growing up until I was about aged 11 or so, the teen period, the college and academia period, the I’m scared I may screw my life up period, the Texas period, the Czech period, and now I think I am in my f**k it period. The thing is though, when I look back at any of those periods, which were rich with experiences, its as if I was another person – like some sort of alternate reality.
Do you feel the same way?
Was it really me that flew around the USA visiting prospects and clients, going to conferences. Was it really me that owned a huge house with pool, three cars, a boat and spent half my life driving two of my sons to football and hockey games and practice?
Was it really me that spent 6-weeks in my college period on an island in the Inner Hebrides more or less alone? Who had no self-confidence yet later was presenting peer reviewed papers to rooms full of academics in Madrid?
Was it me really that left everything behind for the love of a woman and flew to Czechia to start a new life? Was it?
I guess it was – I have memories. Some good and some bad. I made mistakes and sometimes I got it right. A lot has gone and is no longer in my memory unless shaken back by an old photo or someone else reminding me – like the photo above that my son Liam shared on Instagram recently. I recall that day. I was visiting a colleagues ranch in east Texas and they had horses and my boys rode them. It was hot. The flies were out. It was though a very good day. I was happy.
But, it does seem to me that there is at least a possibility that wasn’t really me. Not the me that I am now anyway. It was a different me in a different reality. There were so many paths to chose from and each led to somewhere slightly different. Am I on each of those paths right now in some alternate set of realities? Perhaps I died in some of those….?
What I do know is that I am grateful for the life I have lived and hope to continue living for a while yet. It turned out so very different to expectations.
Oh let me explain the f**k it period. It means I finally understand what is and is not important in life. I finally have entered a time when I know who I am, what I am and am happy to just be.