Alternate Realities?

When I look back at my life, it seems to logically break up into sizable chunks of time. There was the period of growing up until I was about aged 11 or so, the teen period, the college and academia period, the I’m scared I may screw my life up period, the Texas period, the Czech period, and now I think I am in my f**k it period. The thing is though, when I look back at any of those periods, which were rich with experiences, its as if I was another person – like some sort of alternate reality.

My Texas Period – with my three boys and ex-wife

Do you feel the same way?

Was it really me that flew around the USA visiting prospects and clients, going to conferences. Was it really me that owned a huge house with pool, three cars, a boat and spent half my life driving two of my sons to football and hockey games and practice?

Was it really me that spent 6-weeks in my college period on an island in the Inner Hebrides more or less alone? Who had no self-confidence yet later was presenting peer reviewed papers to rooms full of academics in Madrid?

Was it me really that left everything behind for the love of a woman and flew to Czechia to start a new life? Was it?

I guess it was – I have memories. Some good and some bad. I made mistakes and sometimes I got it right. A lot has gone and is no longer in my memory unless shaken back by an old photo or someone else reminding me – like the photo above that my son Liam shared on Instagram recently. I recall that day. I was visiting a colleagues ranch in east Texas and they had horses and my boys rode them. It was hot. The flies were out. It was though a very good day. I was happy.

But, it does seem to me that there is at least a possibility that wasn’t really me. Not the me that I am now anyway. It was a different me in a different reality. There were so many paths to chose from and each led to somewhere slightly different. Am I on each of those paths right now in some alternate set of realities? Perhaps I died in some of those….?

What I do know is that I am grateful for the life I have lived and hope to continue living for a while yet. It turned out so very different to expectations.

Amazing.

Oh let me explain the f**k it period. It means I finally understand what is and is not important in life. I finally have entered a time when I know who I am, what I am and am happy to just be.

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